RULES FOR WORK

1. Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 4:00 and the bring it to me. The challenge of a deadline is refreshing
2. If it’s really a rush job. Run in and interrupt me every 10 minutes to inquire how it’s going. That helps or even better hover behind me advising me at every keystroke
3. Always leave without telling anyone where you’re going, it gives me a chance to be creative when someone asks where you are
4. If my arms are full of paper, boxes, books, or supplier, don’t open the door for me. I need to learn how to function as paraplegic and open the door with no arms is good training in case I should ever be injured and lose all use my limbs
5. If you give me more than one job to do, don’t tell me which is priority. I am psychic
6. Do you best to keep me late. I adore this office and really have nowhere to go or anything to do. I have no life beyond work
7. If a job I do pleases you, keep it a secret. If that gets out, it could mean a promotion
8. If you don’t like my work, tell everyone. I like my name to be popular in conversations, I was born to be whipped
9. If you have special instructions for a job, don’t write them down, in fact, save then until the job is almost done no use confusing me with useful information
10. Never introduce me to the people you’re with. I have no right to know anything. I have no right to know anything. In the corporate food chain. I am plankton when you refer to them later my shrewd deduction will identify them
11. Be nice to me only when the job I’m doing for you could really change your life and send you straight to manager’s hell
12. Tell me all your life problems. No one else has any and it’s nice to know someone is less fortunate. I especially like the story about having to pay so much taxes on the bonus check you received for being such a good manager
13. Wait until my yearly review and THEN tell me what my goal’s SHOULD have been. Give me a mediocre performance rating with a cost of living increase. I’m not here for the money anyway